How Long Was I Gone?
by Raina2000
Summary: What if after Buffy gets resurrected in season 6 her first night is peaceful without frantic Scoobies making her shut down? What if Spike stayed with her? What if she got to be happy for once?
1. Chapter 1

**"How long was I gone?"** Buffy's hands were resting in spikes as they sat across from each-other in the dimly lit living room of the Summers' house. Spike looked into her eyes softly with overwhelming joy and understanding.

"'Hundred and forty-seven days yesterday, 'Hundred and forty-eight today… but I guess today doesn't count does it?" He lets a slight breath of relief escape his lips with a smile. His thumbs lightly brushing back and forth on the sides of her bruised and battered hands. He paused looking down at them. "How long was it for you," looking back up into her green eyes he continued, "Where you were?" being careful to keep eye contact, careful to make sure she couldn't look away and think about what she had gone through.

"Longer." Her voice was soft but more confident than just a few moments earlier.

"Yeah?" Spike was sitting there, his head tilted to the side, looking at her … but she didn't want to look away. Looking at everybody else was too much, it made her head hurt. The rest were frantic, full of questions Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to answer… but Spike, his eyes weren't searching in hers for answers, they were resting on her, taking her in. He understood.

Just then, Dawn came into the room with the bandages and antiseptic Spike had asked for. She kneeled down next to Spike putting it all onto the coffee table.

She reached for the antiseptic when a cool hand met hers.

"I'll get it, little bit." Spike took the bottle from her hands, and Dawn reluctantly let go looking up at them. Buffy appreciated Dawn's calmness; even if it was the type that originated from shock and overwhelming emotions. While Buffy was trying to think about anything but the harsh world surrounding her, she traced Spike's cheekbones with her eyes.

He could feel that her eyes were still on him as he opened the bottle of disinfectant, pouring some of its contents onto a cotton round.

"I don't know if this will sting." He hoped it wouldn't, she'd been through so much it didn't seem fair for her to be in anymore pain. Buffy let Spike lift her hands one by one, cleaning them and wiping away the blood.

* * *

As Spike wrapped the last bit of gauze around Buffy's left hand, Dawn felt her need for Buffy to say something reach a boiling point.

When Dawn stood she spoke as softly as she could manage, "Buffy? Is- is there anything you need? Food? Water?" Dawn was struggling to keep her voice even.

"No." Buffy's eyes had moved from Spike's face down to her lap. She looked at her hands, wishing Spike was still holding them; his level head made her feel safer. She wanted him close.

"Maybe a bit of rest then, love?" Spike's voice brought her back into a calm state. He put a hand over hers.

"Okay," Buffy saw Dawn's shoes in her peripheral and followed them up to her sister's face. "Is my room still-"

"Yeah. We didn't move anything." Dawn started to think about all the days she would sit on the floor of Buffy's room looking around at everything, just thinking of how much she wished Buffy could walk back into that room… back into her life. Tears started to creep up on Dawn, filling her eyes. "Spike, can you take her?" She turned so Buffy wouldn't see her cry.

"Yeah," His attention turned back to Buffy. "Buff?" He stood, Buffy's hand in his, pulling her up to her feet. He began to release Buffy's hand as they walked towards the stairs and she grabbed on tighter. She wasn't ready for him to let go.

* * *

Spike was sitting next to Buffy on the edge of her bed, her hand still holding his. She was staring blankly at the wall of pictures in front of her. _All those years fighting to be alive, to win the fight…_ she didn't get it anymore.

"Maybe I should get going, pet, leave you and Niblett to find your footing." Spike looked at her face wishing he could stay and just hold her. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't disappear again, that this wasn't a dream.

"I don't-" Buffy stopped mid-sentence, she didn't know how to tell Spike without him thinking something else. _He does seem to understand though…_

"Buffy?" Spike looked at her trying to figure out what she was going to say. _Too many damn things start with 'I don't' "I don't want you here, Spike" she did grab my hand though… "I don't need to be babied" am I smothering her? I'm trying to give her space… no, I couldn't be *smothering*. Maybe-_

Buffy realized how long she'd been quiet.

"I don't have a footing to get." Buffy looked down at her feet; _god, who chose this polish color?… I wish I had socks._

"You just have to find it." Spike wanted to know what she was thinking. Buffy shook her head.

"I'm not supposed to be here. I don't want to be here." Buffy was trying to find an emotion besides the mind numbing depression that was eating its way through her. Spike brushed the bit of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear.

Buffy couldn't stop herself from saying what she was about to, it just came out, "You need to stay here." The words came out soft and hushed even though she meant to say it with confidence and authority. Spike didn't even have to think, he got up. He went to her dresser and pulled out a pajama set for Buffy. She wondered how he knew where she kept them. He walked back over to her and placed them where he had been sitting. He crouched down to be at eye-level with her, placing a hand on her knee.

"You get back in you nice comfy things and I'll get you some water." Spike straightened up and turned to go, taking his hand off her knee. She grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.

"Don't." it was almost a whisper. Spike was mad at himself for loving the attention. _This is not about you, you prat. She's in pain._ At that moment it hit him that she was here. _Buffy._ She was back, heart beating - even if she didn't want to be alive again.

"Gonna tell Dawn I'm staying over. Get changed. I'll be right back." He words were a bit more forceful than he had meant them to be.

Hoping he wasn't taking things too far, Spike bent down and kissed the top of her head before he walked out of the room. Buffy had calming tingles run down her body; she felt how much he cared. When the door closed she started to get changed.

* * *

"Buffy?!" Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya came crashing through the front door; Spike appeared at the top of the stairs and began descending down them. He spoke in a slightly hushed and irritated tone.

"Oi, Red, why don't you just try and keep it down." Spike reached the landing and was amused to see a vein angrily popping out of Xander's neck.

"Where's Buffy?" Willow started to push past Spike but he moved her back. "Hey!" Willow swatted Spikes hands off of her.

"Look, she finally having a rest and I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't wake her up with your bellowing."

Spike started to maneuver the Scoobies and himself into the living room. Tara looked back at the stairs

"A-and Dawnie, Is she-"

"Snug in her bed a few doors down from big sis." Spike sat down in the armchair and Tara and Anya sat down on the couch behind them.

"Are you sure that Buffy's okay?" Willow kept taking glances back at the stairs.

"Of course she's not okay." Spike looked at Willow with a face of disbelief. Willow got a look on hers like someone had just slapped her across it. Spike softened his featured and slouched down in the chair. "But I reckon she will be if she gets time to process" Spike and Willow shared a look of agreement before she joined Tara on the couch behind her. Tara rubbed her hand lovingly.

Xander was still standing.

"Get out." Xander pointed at the door doing his best to act tough.

"No." Spike put his feet up on the table in defiance.

"Spike we're back now you don't have to stay, you should get home before the sun comes up."

"I'm not going anywhere, Willow."

"You don't get to start up your little obsession now that Buffy's back Spike. If you lay one hand on her-" Xander stops talking as, in one fluid movement, Spike's feet come off the table and he stands grabbing Xander's collar and pulling him close.

"Hey!" Anya squeaked standing up behind Xander.

"You'll what? Stake me?" Spike suddenly remembers he has to play nice to get back upstairs to Buffy; where Buffy asked him to stay. Spike releases Xander's collar and sits back down resting his arms on his knees, back hunched over. "She's never gonna love me but that doesn't change the fact that I love her." His voice gets quiet and serious, "I'm _always_ going to keep my word when it comes to her."

"Right, because you're so good at that." Xander sits down with Anya, feeling that he's going to lose this fight without backup. Spike looks at him.

"Buffy asked me to stay with her; she doesn't want to be alone." He says this as calmly as he could desperately wanting to get back upstairs in case Buffy woke up.

"We can watch her" Tara gives Spike a little smile after saying this, still holding Willows hands. Spike lets out a breath. _God I need a smoke._

"Buffy doesn't need to be watched," Willow opens her mouth to interject but Spike keeps talking. "She didn't ask Niblett to stay with her and she didn't ask me to send you up. She asked me to stay. So I'm staying" Spike gets up.

"Where are you going?" everyone got tense at Xander's question, praying there wouldn't be another fight.

"Upstairs. Don't want her to wake up alone."

"Fine." Xander pulled Anya up and walked out of the front door; Spike closes it behind them and turns to the two witches on the couch.

"Any issues?"

Willow and Tara shake their heads and Spike walks back upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

 **"** **No. I- n-uh"** the faint mumbled cry woke Spike who was still on high alert from the night before. He sat up from his spot on the floor, his leather duster sliding off of him.

The mumbling continued and he realized it was Buffy. _Do you ever get a break, Summers?_ He ran his hands through his hair failing at his attempt to force it flat against his head; he didn't know what to do. _I can't wake her… can't touch her, what the bloody hell am I supposed-_

Before he could finish his thought Buffy awoke with a sharp intake of breath. Spike had forgotten how scared breathing could sound, how much it said. Her breath didn't slow.

"Buffy?" The warm voice pulled Buffy back into reality. "Buffy?" Spike asked again this time trying to figure out what she was thinking.

 _Right. Alive, house, – Spike._ The memories of the previous night flooded her brain; her mind had just linked the soft voice to the vampire.

"I'm okay." Buffy was now sitting up, moving so that her back touched her pillow covered headboard. "Really I'm-"

"With someone who doesn't believe that for a second" Spike was lowering himself down onto the end of Buffy's bed. "Slayer, what's wrong?" She was trying to focus on Spike, but in the dark all she could see was his outline.

Spike, on the other hand, could see her perfectly and wasn't going to ignore the terrified look she still had on her face.

"Bad dreams?"

"Waking up was worse." Buffy didn't know why she told Spike this, she didn't have to… but then again, she didn't want to hold it in; not with everyone. She could see Spike's head tilt in the darkness, he wanted her to elaborate. _If he wants to know…_ "It felt like I was waking up in," She didn't want to say the word, "… _there_ "

"That's not going to happen again, love. You're safe." Spike couldn't think of anything else to say. _It's one thing to wake up in there knowing you have all the time you need… to almost die again, God, Buffy._

"Right." She felt it; the safety. Oddly enough, she felt it when Spike was around. _This'll probably wear off, this Spike thing. Soon I'll feel safe around-_ She remembered he friends, the ones she left in the 'all you can eat' demon buffet. "Willow."

"Yeah, I'll go get-" Spike started to get up.

 _Don't leave me._

"No, is she… are they okay?" Spike lowered back down; he scooted a bit closer to Buffy.

"Your little Scoobies are all tucked away in bed, the demons scurried out of here quick as they could, now word's out your back."

"Good." _Right; Demons, slaying, special calling, work-_

"Fancy some breakfast, pet?"

- _sacred birthright, alone- Breakfast?_ Buffy's stomach growled and Spike let out a small laugh. _She's really alive then._ He couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his face. "Right then, what do you fancy?"

"What do we um-" her voice trailed off.

"If you lot don't have it, I'll go get whatever you want." Buffy was touched by this, not because of the offer, but because there was no pity or careful planning involved in his words. Spike just wanted to treat her well because she was Buffy, not because she was back.

"Do we have eggs?"

"I would reckon." Spike started to stand and Buffy copied his movement. "Buffy, you can stay here."

"I want to come with you." Spike's smile returned for a moment. _With me._

"Right, come on." He walked out of the room with Buffy trailing behind in her sushi pajamas.

* * *

Buffy was sitting at the kitchen island while Spike got out the eggs and found a pan.

"Scrambled?" He placed the pan on the stove top and turned on the heat.

"Sure…" Buffy answered softly; she was surprised. "You know how to cook?"

"Hope so." Spike smiled at her and Buffy felt a smile creep onto her face; the first since she had been back. _I love it when she smiles. Right, eggs._ Spike realized he had been staring at her and was trying to refocus on breakfast.

Buffy looked around her kitchen. _Does it feel weird because I was gone or because Spike is cooking me breakfast?_ Buffy's eyes met a cupboard on the other side of the kitchen; she rose from her seat, going over to it. When she opened it she pulled out a jar of crunchy peanut butter, placing it on the counter.

"Peanut butter and eggs, huh?" Spike looked at her curiously as she got a spoon out. Buffy ignored him. She was too focused on her task.

Buffy popped the spoon into her mouth and felt a hint of satisfaction with herself. First normal thing she did by herself. _Mission peanut butter, check._ Spike couldn't help but stare at her. _Is she cute when she does everything?_ He watched her lick her lips, he wished he could kiss them.

Buffy was staring at her spoon debating on whether or not to double dip.

"I think you eggs are burning" Tara rubbed her eyes as she entered the kitchen, a sleepy Willow close behind her.

"Damn" Spike reluctantly pulled his eyes away from Buffy as he turned off the heat pushing the pan back. Buffy set the spoon down, she was out of the peanut butter mission world and back in this one.

She looked at the pan of burnt eggs.

"I'm going to vote no on the cooking ability thing." Buffy didn't like it when he was crabby. _When did this happen? Why am I upset? Relax, the whole Spike thing is gonna wear off and then you can ignore-_

"Buffy?" Willow's voice was weak with sleepiness. Buffy had been staring at Spike again.

When she looked at the two witches she wanted to cry. Willow very apprehensively walked past spike, extending her arms to hug Buffy. Buffy accepted and felt herself cry into her best friend's shoulder.

"Oh, Buffy!" Willow held the crying slayer. Buffy couldn't tell if she was crying more because she was happy to be with her best friend or because the depression of being back in Sunnydale, the place Willow pulled her back into, was too heavy on her shoulders.

Spike took this time to slip into the living room, he wasn't one for hugs. _Well, watchin' 'em. A hug from Buffy would be- stop. Not about you._

Buffy pulled herself together and wiped away the remaining tears.

"Sorry I-"

"Don't be! It's good to feel things Buffy!"

"I think I got snot on your shirt." Willow looked at her wet shoulder and back at Buffy; a small laugh broke between them. They hugged again.

There was a knock on the door and Spike opened it, making sure to stand out of the rays of light, just as Dawn was coming down the stairs.

"You lot are back early."

"Uh-huh." Xander pushed past Spike and into the house.

"They ever teach you manners 'round your pace?" Spike closed the door behind Anya who turned back to face Spike.

"He's just mad because you slept with Buffy." Spike and everyone else drew in a breath, unhappy with Anya's usual incorrect and overly literal phrasing of things.

"Right." Spike still wasn't quite used to her. _At least she says what's on her mind. 'Like a woman who's forthright._

Willow, Tara and Buffy made their way to the cluster of friends.

"What are you guys doing here? It's early?" Buffy subconsciously drifted closer to Spike; the room felt too full.

"Scooby meeting. Didn't Will tell you?" Xander was looking up at Buffy from the couch.

"No, but let me guess; big bad?"

"Well, maybe big bad." Tara looked at Willow who spoke next.

"Unknown bad, not fun."

"It made me scare Xander." Anya had a hurt tone in her voice.

Everyone looked to Buffy, waiting for orders.

"Um well, Dawn can go to school and we can… Magic Box?"

"No," Dawn's words were sharp and made everyone jump a little. "I just mean, I don't want to be at school with – everything."

"Dawnie, I don't think Buffy wants you in research mode yet and-" Tara was cut off by Spike.

"I'll babysit if Buffy's okay with Niblett staying home, can't leave anyway." He nodded his head towards the curtains being illuminated by sunlight. Dawn looked to Buffy hopefully.

"Uh, sure. If you don't mind." Buffy was surprised by Spike's willingness to help.

"I don't." He gave Buffy a slight smile and she looked away, trying to refocus on the more painful group. She didn't like that Spike was making her feel things.

"Right we should go then." Buffy started to walk for the front door.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" Buffy looked at Dawn.

"Clothes?" She looked down at her body and realized she was still in her yummy sushi pajamas.


	3. Chapter 3

**"** **Can't you see she doesn't love you?"** Spike was staring directly at the T.V. in the Summers' living room; dawn was sat next to him on the couch, staring at the floor. "Blind idiot."

Dawn reached over Spike to grab the remote off of the couch arm, muting the T.V.

"Oi, Niblett; I was watching that!"

"You'll live."

Spike sighed.

"What is it, bit?"

"How- how's Buffy?"

Spike instantly tensed up.

"I- I mean I know she's not okay," Dawn continued, "But is there anything that I can do? As usual I feel completely useless and-"

"Dawn; big sis is gonna be a bit of all right. She's tough."

"I know she's tough but I wanna help."

Spike put his hand on Dawn's shoulder

"Not sure you can right now," He paused thinking of just a few hours earlier in Buffy's room, "she can't even wake up okay."

Dawn waited for Spike to say more, when he didn't she said, "What does that mean?"

"It means when she wakes up and it's all dark, all she can think about is waking up six feet under."

"Oh." Dawn looked down at her sock covered feet.

"She's strong." Spike was trying to reassure himself more than Dawn at this point, he knew that the Buffy he fell in love with would be okay, but he didn't know how much of her stayed buried after she came back to life.

"Hold on." Dawn got up and ran up the stairs.

"Niblett?" Spike rose from the couch following her up the stairs, down the hall and into the open doorframe of her bedroom.

Dawn was going through a bin she had pulled out from the bottom of her bookshelf.

"Ha!" Dawn pulled a package of plastic stars out of the bin and brought them over to Spike.

He took them in his hands and then gave her a confused look.

"They uh, they're sticky and they glow in the dark, I thought maybe we could put them on her celling so when she wakes up she doesn't feel like she's…" Dawn's voice trailed off, neither one of them wanted to hear the word coffin. They didn't want to imagine what it was like for her any clearer.

Spike stared at the package of glow-y stars in his hand.

"Is it stupid?" Dawn looked back down at her feet.

"It's great." Spike gave her a warm smile as their eyes met. _Bit silly, yeah. But I think it'll mean something to the both of them._ "I'll go get the latter" Spike handed Dawn the package and walked off.

* * *

"That's probably the sort of stuff I'm not supposed to see; right?" Dawn closed her eyes, moving her head towards Xander as the demon's head rolled onto the ground.

"At least she didn't disappear!" Anya chimed in cheerfully from behind Dawn.

 _If only._ Buffy felt bad that she still didn't want to be back. She dropped the axe onto her bed, placing her hands on the back of her neck and tilting her head upwards letting out a breath; eyes closed.

"Supreme slaying there, Buffster. Glad to see you back in action." Xander, Dawn and Anya were all still standing in the doorway to Buffy's bedroom.

"I try my best." Buffy opened her eyes to see a whole galaxy of stars above her. "Why does my celling look like space? Can you all see that?"

"Spike helped me put them up," Dawn moved closer to Buffy. "he mentioned that you didn't like waking up in the dark after… everything… so I thought if you saw the stars it would be… better?"

Buffy took her eyes away from the celling to look at Dawn, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Dawnie, this… thank you." Buffy pulled her sister into an embrace.

"So it's not stupid?"

"I think it's wonderful."

* * *

Spike heard a knock on his crypt door from the downstairs where he had been laying, shirt off, thinking about… guess who. He began to climb up the latter.

He reached the crypt door and opened it. _Buffy?_

 _Hot._ Buffy had immediately noticed Spike's lack of upper body clothing.

"Don't you usually, you know, bust open the door? Knock it off its hinges?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I guess being dead gave me manners" She smiled and he gestured for her to come inside. "Thanks." She walked inside suddenly finding herself unsure of where to stand.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Spike was taken aback by this.

"Taking care of Dawn when I was gone, sitting with me all night last night, helping out today, the stars."

Spike couldn't help but smile; he took a few steps towards her.

"Little sis's Idea, don't know how effective it'll be but I thought it might be nice…" Buffy was staring directly into his eyes; she took a step forward.

"Really, thank you, William. If anything had happened to Dawn while I was away, or if I hadn't had you with me last night, I don't know what I'd be doing right about now… probably be a good few steps closer a mental breakdown…" Her sentence slowed and stopped realizing that she was babbling.

 _His eyes are so blue, and- gentle._

"Anything for you, Buffy."

Buffy felt her eyes start to well up with tears again and concluded that it was sensory overload from being back, she was usually so much better at holding these things in.

Seeing the tears in her eyes, his filled with worry and he raised a hand to her cheek, brushing against it lightly.

"Can I do anything else for you?"

Buffy shook her head, the tears retreated and she felt herself calm.

"Spike?"

He cocked his head to the side in curiosity and Buffy took another step closer, their bodies centimeters from touching.

Suddenly Spike's mind was reeling as Buffy pressed her warm lips to his.

 _Pull away now, don't let this weird… these weird new feelings make you do something stupid._ But Buffy didn't pull away, she couldn't, all of the weird chemistry she'd brushed off for years, all of the little moments of Spike's willingness to protect her and the people she loved, every glance that had lasted a little longer than it should have, it all flooded her brain and it clicked. She liked him.

 _She isn't pulling away._ After almost ten blissful seconds of having her lips pressed to his, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. She still didn't move away.

Within moments Spike had gently pressed Buffy against a crypt wall, their kissing becoming more passionate and intense as the seconds flew by. Buffy's legs wrapped around Spike's waist as he lifted her up, she slipped her tongue into his mouth.

Spike couldn't believe what was happening; he had Buffy wrapped perfectly around him, a hand cupped under her ass, pressed up against one of his crypt walls with her tongue expertly exploring his mouth. He wanted to take her then, to rip off her clothes and feel every part of her; to see what they could be… but he couldn't and he knew that. Whether this was her weakness or genuine interest, Spike knew that having Buffy completely now, if she would even let him, would make her think that he couldn't really love her. He knew it would make her feel used and eventually that would come back to bite him; besides, she didn't need to feel any worse.

The passion was intense and Buffy could feel their connection vibrating through her entire body, she wanted him, she needed to- _stop! What am I doing?_

Buffy released her mouth from Spike's and he got the message letting her down gently so she could try to stand. Her knees were weak and she was suddenly very grateful of the wall behind her as she stared into Spike's eyes, breathing heavily.

He brushed a tuft of hair lovingly behind her ear, pretending not to notice how much trouble she was having with keeping her balance.

"Do you have to go?" his words were soft and gentle like the night she came back, unlike the other men in Buffy's life, there wasn't any coddling or air of innocence directed at her in his words… she was just Buffy.

She liked that.

"No."

"Do you want to stay?"

Buffy paused, _What kind of question is that Spike? I'm not going to stay here to have sex with you! Maybe he'd just hold me… what am I thinking?! Am I even considering staying here with Spike? Oh my god… I kissed Spike, what was I thinking?_

She knew what she had been thinking; _Caring, hot, sexy, sweet, lips, chest-_

Spike realized she was putting a different spin on his words than he had intended.

"We could watch a bit of telly, keep you out of the house for a while?"

Buffy relaxed, hoping she really could trust him.

"Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

**"What the hell is wrong with you?!"** Spike was holding his bleeding nose, the nose Buffy had just punched.

It had been two weeks since they had kissed that night in Spike's crypt. _Two unbelievably long weeks…_ for both of them.

"What's wrong with me?!" Buffy was cocking her fist up to punch him again.

"You heard me!" Buffy took another swing at his face but he caught her fist mid right-hook, struggling against her slayer strength to keep it from hitting him. He bellowed, "You come into my crypt unannounced and start beating the bloody pulp out of me!"

"How can you not know why I'm upset?! You're Mr. Perceptive guy!"

"Perceptive not a bloody mind reader!" Spike pushed Buffy's fist back and she relented.

"It's been two weeks!" Spike tilted his head to the side. "Two weeks since our beyond sexy kissing session and you haven't said a thing about it or tried to kiss me and I'm just a bit confused because you say you love me but the second I realize I have feelings for you its 'let's not even bloody think about bloody Buffy!'"

Spike laughed at her attempt to mimic him and then he processed what she had just said to him.

His face dropped in shock.

"You have feelings for me?"

Buffy's eyes filled with panic and she stepped backwards.

"What? No. I didn't say that."

Spike started to slowly walk towards her, wiping the blood off his face and refusing to break eye contact. His features were soft but his eyes had a hunger Buffy had never seen before.

Buffy continued to move away from him until her back hit the wall on the other side of his crypt. She started to move to the side in an attempt to get the higher ground but he slammed his hands onto the wall, pinning her.

"Fancy me then, pet?"

"No." _God yes._

"I thought you just had a moment of weakness, when you didn't say anything I assumed you wanted to forget about it."

"Oh." Buffy suddenly felt bad for hitting him so much.

Spike bent down and kissed her neck, and Buffy couldn't help letting out a small moan when he traced his tongue around her ear. He kept his voice low and sultry as he spoke directly into her ear.

"Guess I don't have to be a gentleman anymore; do I, pet?"

"Shut up." _Is he teasing me? I can play that -_

Buffy's brain couldn't complete that particular thought once Spike had gone back to kissing her neck.

"No." Buffy pushed Spike back, forcing him to do a couple of tiny backwards hops to stay on his feet. Buffy walked up and slapped his face.

Spike couldn't take this anymore; he loved it when Buffy roughed him up.

"Don't act like you don't want me pet."

"I don't." _Oh I so do._

"Stop playing games with me." His voice was suddenly low and angry.

Buffy let a smile slip across her face, taunting him with her words,

"You can't hurt me, force me to stay. You've got that chip in your head."

 _I don't believe this. She's messing with me!_

"It'll be worth it."

"Wha-?" Spike slammed Buffy up against his crypt door as hard as he could, waiting for the pain, and Buffy found herself even more aroused than before.

The pain never came.

Spike pulled his arms back and stepped away, looking confused; and a look of terrified realization spread across Buffy's face. _How long- has he been killing again? No- he looks as confused as me…_

"Your chip?"

Spike looked back up at Buffy, "Didn't fire off…"

"Oh."

Buffy started to feel the stress of her life start to creep up from the depths that being with Spike had repressed it to.

Spike realized that the thought of feeding didn't sound remotely interesting with Buffy standing in front of him.

"Movie?" Spike stepped closer to Buffy again.

Buffy was somehow more surprised than before.

"What?"

"You know, moving pictures with the popcorn."

"Are you asking me out… on a date?"

"Well, yeah." Spike tilted his head to the side and smiled. "So? What'll it be, pet?"

"Spike. Your chip-"

"It doesn't matter."

* * *

Buffy's head was reeling. She was sitting in the movies with Spike. They weren't watching someone or trying to foil and evil plan, they were on a date. A date she had accepted; happily.

Spike's head was reeling. He was on a date with Buffy. _Buffy._ She wanted him, even after everything that she went through, everything they had been through together… after the chip didn't work. She liked him, wanted him – _cared for him._

The movie wasn't anything special, standard rom-com. Boy and girl meet, they argue, they kiss, they get together, break up and realize they were right for each other all along.

Neither Spike nor Buffy wanted to admit that they loved these movies.

Spike looked at Buffy, whose eyes were on the screen, adorably chewing away at another mouthful of popcorn.

 _God, I love her._

Buffy could feel Spikes eyes on her and a smile spread across her face when she saw the puppy-dog look he was wearing. Buffy couldn't help it; she just had to kiss his perfect lips.

When she pulled away from the small peck that managed to ignite her entire body in lusty flames, Spike had the dopiest smile on his face and placed a hand over hers. He turned his attention back to the movie; even though he was pretty sure he'd never be able to focus on anything ever again.

Meanwhile, Xander felt rage coiling up in every muscle in his body as he saw them together.

Anya bumped his arm with her elbow and gestured at the movie, "Pay attention or you'll miss the sappy and humorous conclusion"

* * *

Last few weeks were not what Xander was expecting; sure, Buffy came back, but she wasn't the same; and not just because she was kissing Spike. He could kind of understand her weirdness; who knows how long she was in that Hell-place, it probably messed with her brain.

The point was that Xander was bored.

A week or so back while researching Buffy's exploding lint situation he had found a summoning ritual for a demon that made everybody burst into song and dance, with the extra bonus of those songs forcing everyone talk about how they really feel… _for once._

Xander was determined, they would all have a little extra fun and he'd be able to know how Anya really feels about getting married.

He had already gathered his materials, and while not a badass Wicca, he figured this would be simple enough. He put the talisman around his neck and began to read from the book in front of him.

"Dulcis-"

 _Thump._

"Dulcis-"

 _Thump. Thump._

"What the-"

Buffy's scream pierced through the air and was followed by another loud thump.

Xander tore through the Magic Box into the back room where he found a sweating Spike straddling a laughing Buffy; her arms pinned beneath his legs.

"Had enough?" Spike continued to hold the slayer down as he tickled her.

"Spike! I…Ah! Spike! I- can't… Breathe!" Each pause in Buffy's speech was filled with howling laughter.

"Then say it." Spike paused his tickle assault momentarily to let her catch her breath and speak.

"No way!" and with that Spike began again.

"Ah!.. No!...Okay!… Sp…Spike… are… Big.. Ah!... Bad!" Spike stopped again, a huge smile spread across his face.

"What was that, pet?"

"I said it." Buffy was panting, desperately trying to catch her breath.

"Again"

"…You're…" Buffy loved tormenting him, "The Big Bad."

"Bloody right I am." With a growl he bent down to kiss Buffy who was still pinned beneath him.

"Oh, god." It was a whisper no human could have heard, Xander stepped back slowly and Spike froze mid-kiss and pulled back.

"What?" Buffy looked up at Spike before her brain registered Xander in her peripheral. She turned her head just in time to see him running out of the room.

* * *

Buffy ran into the deserted shop through the training room; scanning the area for signs of Xander. She yelled his name a few times but received no response. Buffy made two laps around the shop before she concluded that Xander had left.

She hated that he had to find out like that.

Really, she just hated that he'd found out.

Buffy found her way to the training room once again only to find it as empty as the storefront.


	5. Chapter 5

**Buffy hesitated outside of Spike's crypt.** Her anger had faded by the time she reached the vampire's dwelling and she wasn't sure if she was going to find a pissed off vamp or one who wanted to cuddle… _Not that we- well except that one time in front of the TV…_

Buffy shut out every thought that was buzzing around her head as she knocked on the crypt door. She held her breath when she heard noise coming from inside, but nobody answered the door.

She knocked again. Nothing.

 _Is he ignoring me?_

You better believe her anger was back, and it brought along some friends. With one kick she bust through the crypt doors only to see… the TV; which was on along with the sound.

 _But he is here. I can feel it._

She descended the ladder to the lower level to find a lush downstairs. It didn't resemble the desolate, cold, and relatively uninviting upstairs at all. The walls, while made of earth, had been carved out and the floors were covered in elaborate rugs, there was a large four-poster bed to her left, and the room twinkled with the perfect balance of candle light and various lamps. She could hardly believe how beautiful and cozy it all looked, not to mention the time he must have put into it… _The man's not exactly known for having patients for anything… well, except me._

Buffy couldn't help but let out a giggle when she remembered that the last time she was down here; she had been chained between two posts while Spike professed his love for her and threatened to let Drusilla kill her if she didn't admit some of the same.

"Buffy?"

She looked up to see Spike lowering a towel from his dripping-wet locks.

"You're hair's wet."

"Yeah. That's generally somethin' that happens when you shower."

"You have a shower?" Buffy's eyes trailed down his chiseled frame before she realized that he was completely nude. "Spike!" She spun around, turning her back to him.

"Nudity also tends to occur, Pet." He wrapped the towel around his midsection. "You're clear, Love."

Buffy didn't turn back around; all her effort was currently going towards keeping her breath even. She was actually succeeding until two muscular arms wrapped around her midsection.

He pressed his lips to her pulse point, planting multiple feather-light kisses.

"Spike," _Oh, too breathy, calm down Buffy._ "Clothes."

"Right, pet."

He removed his arms from her waist and she almost whimpered at the loss of contact – even if it was her idea. She heard the zipper on his jeans a few moments later and turned to face him.

Spike was fastening his belt.

"I'm sorry."

Spike felt his stomach turn over and his imaginary pulse quicken, he could even feel tears poking at the corners of his eyes; he couldn't lose her yet. He knew this was coming; she'd been way too willing to be with him.

"Xander, he feels like he holds some kind of claim over me and it makes him act a little crazy. Not to mention," Buffy gestured at Spike, "Vampire. His first run-in with vamps was Darla and the Master, they killed one of his close friends; then add boyfriend and you get the Angel situation. Needless to say he wasn't thrilled to see us - Spike?"

He was staring at her is disbelief, his cheeks stained with tears.

"You- You're not leaving me?"

"What? Of course not!" She stepped closer and a breathy laugh came from Spike as he moved forward and wrapped his arms around her. "Spike, you're the only thing on this planet that's not making me completely miserable."

He pulled back with a smile.

"So just a little miserable then, pet?"

She pressed her head to his chest and laughed.

Another tear rolled down his face. "I'll never get sick of that sound."

"What sound?" Buffy was looking directly into his blue eyes wondering how she'd ever hated the man in front of her.

She realized then that he knew her better than anyone ever had. He understood both the Slayer and the girl with intense clarity and accuracy; even the parts she didn't want to admit were true. He was monster and man, and somehow it worked. She didn't know how Spike could love without a soul but she felt it in every molecule of her being, all he had to do was look at her and she knew.

"You laughing… happy. I never thought –" Buffy had started to undo his belt, still looking into his eyes. "Buffy," an unnecessary breath caught in his throat and he put a hand over hers, "We don't… I'll wait until you're ready, love."

"I'm ready, Spike."

"But-"

"Are you seriously trying to talk me _out_ of sex?"

"Just don't want you to leave me after."

"I'm not planning on it."

"You sure?"

Buffy let out an exasperated breath, but couldn't shake the smile on her face.

"How many times do I have to say it?"

He waited a moment, savoring the moment before his life changed; the moment before he got to be with Buffy. Not the stupid imitation he had commissioned robot-boy for last year, not a dream or fantasy he couldn't touch. Buffy _._

"Right then." With a nod of his head Spike grabbed Buffy by the hips and lifted her up until her legs wrapped comfortably around his waist.

She wasted no time pressing her lips to his, running her fingers up his neck and through his hair; feeling his cool skin pressed against her shirt.

He let his hands run up and down her legs and back; memorizing every perfect curve of her body. He could feel himself strain against his jeans as Buffy subconsciously ground her warm center against his midsection.

She moved her mouth to his neck, letting him explore her body with his hands.

When she nipped at the faded scar Drusilla had left him, a feral growl escaped his throat and his knees nearly buckled.

 _God, this woman is going to be the end of me._

Fearing that Buffy would give him some form of an unpleasant injury if he dropped her, he moved over to the bed, laying her down as gently as he could compel himself to.

He stood for a moment looking down at his lover in awe. Her chest was heaving up and down, her hair lightly mussed, eyes lock on his.

"You just gonna stare at me all night?"

"Tempting."

She glanced down at the bulge in his jeans.

"I think your friend has different plans"

"Usually does; 'specially when it comes to you."

Buffy let out a little giggle and Spike swooped down and caught her lips with his. He lifted himself onto the bed, moving until he was situated above her.

Buffy shivered as his cold hand swept over one of her clothed breasts and grazed the exposed flesh between her jeans and her top.

She felt the button of her jeans pop open and heard the zipper sliding down.

Spike was using every ounce of control he had to savor all of this, to feel and remember every second.

He slowly moved his hand up and down along her folds through her underwear. A delicate and desperate moan escaped Buffy's lips in between their kisses.

Spike started to move the hem of her panties aside when the loud creaking sound of his crypt door came from above.

"Spike?" It was definitely the voice of a man but neither Spike nor Buffy could tell who it was.

Spike sighed and removed his hands from Buffy's body, resting her hips back on the bed.

"It's probably just Clem wanting me to test different cheesy crisps with him"

Buffy was taken aback by this statement and how casually he said it.

"Who is Clem, and why are you eating chips with – him?"

Spike was already up and refastening his belt, ready to kill whoever was up there for interrupting his first time with Buffy.

"Yes, kitten. Clem is a man, well no, he's a demon. Peaceful. Likes snacks."

"You have the strangest life."

Spike was just staring at her, hair mussed, jeans undone, chest heaving, lips and throat slightly pink from sucking on her – _ouch, bloody tight jeans. Stop thinking about how sexy the girl is and get the visitor out of here so you can touch her, you stupid git._

"Be right back."

Buffy found it amusing that she wanted him to end all his sentences to her in his little pet names - and actually missed them when he uttered a normal sentence.

"Bloody hell!"

Something clanged loudly on the stone walls of the crypt above and Spike came tumbling back down the ladder.

"Spike?" Buffy had raised herself up on her arms to look at him.

Xander came down the ladder and stopped in his tracks when he saw Buffy partially undressed in Spike's bed.

Buffy was now rushing to pull up and refasten her jeans, which was when she saw Xander's face turn a shade of red she didn't think possible on a human being.

"You touched her."

"Well, not much thanks to you."

It was then Buffy noticed the crossbow in Xander's hands that was pointed at Spike's jugular.

"Xander!"

"Come on Buff, it's okay I'm getting you out. Good thing I chased him down here or I wouldn't have found you."

Buffy walked over, swatted Xander on the back of the head, took his crossbow and threw it across the room.

"Buffy!"

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

Buffy was now shades of red that Xander didn't think were safe for a slayer.

"Saving you?" It came out as more of a squeak then words.

Something inside of Buffy snapped – that something was her last nerve.

" _Saving me_!?" Buffy pushed Xander up against one of the dirt walls her nose centimeters from touching his. "I'm getting pretty fucking tired of you trying to 'save me'."

Spike was very amused at her rare use of profanity.

"I-"

"No. You are going to listen to me Xander."

Buffy had her finger pressed into his chest that she proceeded to prod every time she made a point.

"I have put up with your meddling for years; I've never even really confronted you about it. But you've taken things too far and I am _done_. You have the biggest stick up your ass about my life, probably bigger than the British flag up Giles'; and you think it's okay to meddle and mess with _my life._ Well it's not. You are my friend, it's all you've ever been and it's all you ever will be. You don't get to make decisions about my life. Sure, you can have opinions, but you don't get to yell them at me every time you disagree with my choices."

Xander sighed, wondering how he seemed to be the only one left with any sanity.

"Buffy. He's a _vampire_. And don't tell me how he's a good boy with a chip in his head," Xander looked over at Spike who had somehow managed to keep his mouth shut through all of this, "He'd still kill all of us if he ever got it out."

Buffy poked his chest with extra force this time to bring his attention back to her.

"If I want to date a vampire, I'll date a vampire. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." Buffy took a breath and a step back from Xander. "And Spike's chip doesn't work anymore."

Xander processed her words and then lunged for Spike.

Buffy pushed him back into the wall.

"So you're dating soulless killers now?!"

"He's not-" Buffy took another rage-calming breath, "He's not hurting anybody. You don't get an opinion on this. I don't care what you think about Spike. I don't care what you think about me. You all brought me back to this hell and _Spike_ is the only _person_ to make me feel alive _and_ happy. So, back off and go home to Anya. I'm sick and tired of you trying to kill my boyfriends and expecting me to cheer you on. Hell, I think the only reason you didn't try to have Riley beheaded was because he was human. You've always staked first and asked questions later and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you. If you can't stop being an unbelievable jerk then I don't want you in my life anymore. Because it's _my_ life. Not yours."

"Buff-"

"No." Buffy gestured for him to go, "We'll talk soon if you decide to stop acting like a petulant four year old."

Xander looked between the two in disgust and stopped walking when he reached the ladder. Without looking back he said "I think Will was right, you did come back wrong."

He climbed up the ladder and out of the crypt.

Spike's hands were clenched in shaking fists, he knew he couldn't beat Xander for saying that without getting _his_ ass kicked; and it was killing him – again.

Buffy couldn't feel anything but the dark.

 _'I think Will was right, you came back wrong.'_

Spike walked in front of Buffy and moved his hands to drag her into an embrace.

"You are not _wrong_." He started to stroke her hair "You're frien- the people you know clearly don't know you."

He pulled away and looked into her empty eyes.

"Do you want to go?"

"No." She reached for his belt buckle trying to open it back up.

He placed his hands on hers and moved them away.

"Not now, pet. Not when you're in the dark place."

"I need something to –"

"Buffy it's not happening."

She punched him in the jaw and then looked in horror as he fell to the ground.

He was back on his feet in seconds, moving back towards Buffy. If she had been looking at his face she would have seen that it was calm.

She flinched when he raised an arm to touch her hair again. He pulled his hand away stunned.

"I'm not going to hit you." The tone of his voice was hurt.

No eye contact.

"Buffy."

She still wouldn't look at him so he gently cupped her cheek and pulled her face to look at him.

"Why did you flinch?"

Her eyes were locked onto his, and that made her realize something else. He was the only one of her boyfriends who didn't hit her back during an argument, or at least, hadn't yet.

Something about his eyes always made her realize things that should have been obvious to her, _maybe because I get so lost in them that I actually get to think._

"Buffy."

"You _could;_ and they –"

" _'they'?_ " Now he was mad. "They hit you?"

"Only when – why didn't you?"

"Because I love you! God woman, how've these people been treating you?"

"You've hit me before."

"When we're both hitting, both into the fight." Spike thought for a moment "Though, I wouldn't say no to a little sparring or spanking if you-"

She was laughing again.

Spike tilted his head to the side, a smile creeping onto his face.

"I knew I could get a laugh."

Her emotions had been reawakened and soon the laughing turned to hysterical sobbing.

Spike scooped her up in his arms, set her on his bed, held her to his chest, and ran his fingers through her hair until she cried herself asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

 **Buffy unlocked the door to her house,** taking in one more breath of fresh air. She was expecting exactly what she found when she walked inside. All of her friends huddled in her living room probably ready for another one of their Buffy interventions; no doubt one that was organized by Xander.

What she didn't expect was the British man in her living room.

"Giles!" Buffy immediately dropped her bag and ran into her watcher's arms.

"Buffy." It was the relief that she heard in his voice that calmed her. He wasn't mad at her, or maybe Xander hadn't told him yet.

The moment Giles had heard the keys in the door his heart and begun to beat at speeds which would no doubt be threatening to even Buffy. When he saw her face all his anger towards Willow and the others melted away as his daughter walked through the door. Although seemingly impossible, his heart sped up more when her face lit up at the sight of him. There was nothing in this world that could have stopped him from holding her in his arms.

She pulled her head far enough back to look at his face. "When did you get here?"

"Around twenty minutes before you."

"I missed you."

"Trust in me that I missed you more."

He pulled her back into a full embrace and let his relief flood him in the form of tears. When one hit Buffy's head she pulled away, clearly struggling with her own emotions.

"No. Giles if you cry I'm totally going to too and then Will's going to join in and then, well I don't even know if we own any tissues and –"

Giles burst out in teary laughter and placed a hand on her cheek.

"I find it comforting to know that whatever you've suffered has not inhibited your ability to ramble without pause."

"I find it comforting that you still speak in unbelievably long sentences with even longer words." Buffy realized what she had just said, "Well, the words couldn't actually be longer than the sentence even if it was only one word and – and I'm ramble girl again."

Everyone was laughing, and for a moment it felt like nothing had ever changed. That's when Buffy realized that she actually missed high school. Things were so simple back then – _god, when was the last time Willow and I just talked?_

After the laughter died down Tara was the first one to speak.

"Is it raining out there?"

"What? No, we live in Sunnydale." Buffy looked to Tara curiously "Why?"

Dawn supplied the answer.

"Your hair's wet." Buffy blushed when memories of this morning flooded her consciousness.

"I'm going to make a sandwich." Xander got up and left the room.

"I'll go and help with that." Anya followed Xander to the kitchen with a look of outraged determination on her face.

Buffy realized she hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning and her stomach let out a little gurgling noise. "Food sounds good."

"Yeah? You haven't really been appetite girl lately."

"That explains your weight." Giles looked her up and down disapprovingly "You're much too thin." Seeing the fire in Buffy's eyes he continued, "Which I say with a father's love because I want you to be healthy and you are of course still a beautiful young woman." Giles cleared his throat. "This is a happy day and I request that you spare me the pain of your disappointed stare." The look on his face was with such pleading apology that Buffy took pity.

"Fine. But only 'cause I was gone and you're all teary-eyed and clearly can't think right."

"It's much appreciated."

* * *

Anya walked into the kitchen following closely behind Xander. She smacked the back of his head when he began to open the fridge.

"What is wrong with you!?"

"Okay, first off, ow." He readjusted to face her, holding the fridge door open, "second, you know what's wrong. She spent the night with Spike."

"And we agreed that you were being a jerk."

"No, you called me a jerk after I told you what happened and I agreed with you so I could go to bed."

"So you lied to me?"

"Anya."

* * *

Buffy's sister had turned on the TV, filling the comfortable silence with the over exaggerated sounds of cartoons. Buffy looked towards her sister when she realized what time it was.

"Dawn, it's Tuesday."

"Uh-huh?" Dawn looked up at Buffy from her position on the floor with a confused look on her face.

"And you have school?"

"I didn't think I'd have to go with Giles back and all!"

"You've missed too many days already; I could walk you… if you wanted."

Dawn seemed excided at that idea but Giles cut in before she could respond, looking up from his watch.

"She'll be late if you walk and I have some business to deal with at the Magic Box if you'd like me to drive her."

"Yeah, that'd be really amazing. Thank you Giles." Buffy gave him another hug before Dawn begrudgingly grabbed her school bag and jean jacket before exiting the Summers' residence with Giles close behind.

* * *

Anya lowered her voice from its previous volume "Xander, you're being really awful about this whole situation."

"Sorry I disappoint you Anya." He said sarcastically.

"I understand sarcasm Xander and you're wrong." She shifted uncomfortably before regaining her usual confidence, "You do disappoint me."

"What – Anya?" he stepped forward to try and hold her, but she swatted him away.

"No. You can't just wrap your extremely pleasant arms around me and make me happy. You still have an awful view of demons. You only see evil."

"Demons _are_ evil."

"It is like you don't even thing before opening your mouth! I was a demon for a thousand years, and I don't regret the things that I did; I did was what I believed was right. Spike, he took care of Dawn and has saved all of us many times, but you won't let Buffy be happy with him."

"Because he's Spike!"

"Keep your voice down, Xander Harris."

"Or what Ahn?"

"Or I'll break off our engagement!" Xander's mouth fell open without a sound, "That's right Xander. If you can't try to respect Buffy, Spike, and the general non-baby-eating demon populous, then I can't marry you." She opened the back door. "No matter how much we both like your penis."

"Anya, wait!" Xander followed her out of the house.

* * *

"Buffy, are you okay?" Tara asked in a tone that reminded Buffy of her mom. Willow and Tara were both looking at her; she hadn't spoken or looked up from her feet since Dawn and Giles left.

Buffy met their gazes and felt something she hadn't felt without Spike since she'd been back; comfort.

"I really need someone to talk to…"

"Oh, I'll go, and let you talk to Will-"

"No." Buffy looked between the two, "I mean, can you stay, Tara?"

"Of course."

The three women sat down and Buffy fidgeted nervously.

"I'm… I need to say some things, and I have a few questions - but I need you guys to listen… okay?"

"Of course Buffy!" Willow was so excited that Buffy wanted to talk to her again.

"Will," Buffy paused before she looked towards Willow, "do you think I came back wrong?" Buffy looked directly into the eyes of her friend. Her friend who looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What"

"Do you think I came back wrong? Honestly."

Willow was quiet for a moment.

"Honestly?" Buffy nodded, her heart pounding so hard in her chest, she couldn't pretend that she wasn't alive. "Honestly, I did when you first came back. You weren't really talking, and you didn't seem like yourself at all. But the last week or so, you've been so much happier. When you're looking into space you don't look broken anymore… are you?"

"What?"

"Happy?"

Buffy took a deep breath and wiped her palms on her jeans.

"I didn't think I would be. When you brought me back, all I wanted to do was die again. It was too hard to be here. But things changed and… I remember why people want to live now. I _want_ to live and I have been happy."

"When did you get happy?" Tara had the most loving look on her face… a look of understanding, like she knew.

Buffy took a few moments to prepare herself.

"I've been – I am, dating Spike."

It seemed as if no one in the room breathed for a moment.

"…And I'm happy. If I'm being honest, he's the only thing that makes me feel like me." Buffy dared to look back up at their faces; Tara's was calm but curious. Willow's on the other had had a slightly horrified expression on her face. "Will?"

"You're seeing Spike?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Buffy's heart soared, this was so much better than Xander's reaction.

"If… you're happy. How long have you liked him?"

"Since the day I met him." At Willow's other stunned expression, she clarified, "I've always felt an attraction to him, but he was always so… evil. But then he wasn't. It took until I came back to realize that my feelings for him had grown." She looked down at her shoes and back up at the witches. "It's not like what I felt for Angel or Riley, it's not anything I've ever felt. I feel… _safe_."

Willow glanced to her girlfriend.

"You don't seem very surprised, baby."

"I'm not. For as long as I've known the two of them, their auras were always so well matched, and when they were around each other they would only get brighter." Tara looked between the two.

"Why didn't you say something to me or Spike?"

"It's not my place to play matchmaker, I was pretty sure it was going to happen eventually and we always had so much going on. Then when you came back your aura was almost unrecognizable, but every time you saw Spike it looked a bit more normal… I-I think he's good for you Buffy."

"Thank you." Buffy felt her eyes getting misty, "Xander didn't think so."

"You told Xander?!" Willow couldn't hide the hurt and disbelief in her tone.

"No. He kind of walked in on us kissing."

"I'm sorry Buffy." Tara moved over to Buffy and put a hand on her leg.

"Thanks."

* * *

"Oh, Tara." Spike pushed the flowers he was hiding more firmly against his back.

"A-are you here to see Buffy?"

"What? I- uh yeah there's-"

"She told us."

"What?"

"Th-that you two are together. Do you want to come inside?"

Spike was shocked to speechlessness, so he simply nodded in response.

"She's upstairs." Spike nodded again in gratitude and began to climb the stairs. "Spike?"

He turned to look at the timid Witch who suddenly seemed a lot more confident.

"I think that you're good for each other."

"Thank you."

With shy smiles from both parties, the two went their ways; Tara to the kitchen and Spike up the stairs. When he reached her door he was so excited that he knocked and opened the door at the same time; only to be greeted with the sight of Buffy's naked body, including more private places in full view. Despite the fact that she instantly covered herself, Spike had the image of her sweat soaked form permanently ingrained in his mind. He quickly closed the door.

"Um- I was just…" Buffy's chest was heaving and the entire room was heavy in the smell of her. He repressed a groan and tried to speak, failing the first two times.

"I didn't mean to- Bloody hell; I just wanted to bring you these." He pulled the flowers from behind his back to show her.

"W-why?" Buffy was panting and trying very hard to act normal in front of the person she was just having very intimate thoughts about.

"It's a thank you; do you want me to go?"

"What? No."

"Turn around?"

Buffy let out an awkward laugh.

"It's okay." She patted the bed in front of her for him to sit. Spike swallowed hard before sitting down on the bed. "A thank you for what?"

"What? Oh, for giving this - us - a chance." He set the flowers on her bedside table and smiled at her.

She tucked both sides of her hair behind her ears and she looked at him.

"I told Willow and Tara about us."

"I found out downstairs. Have to say, I wasn't expecting that; 'specially after the Whelp decided to butt in." Spike's jaw twitched when he remembered how hard Buffy had been crying the night before. Buffy laid a hand over his and scooched closer to him, still holding the sheet to her naked body.

"I'm not ashamed of us or you. I want them to know. I'm telling them whenever it feels right to…" A sudden wave of panic washed over her. "I mean, if you're serious about all of this, we don't have to tell them if you don't want people to know about-"

Spike shut up that thought by cupping her face and kissing her with everything he had. It was the kind of kiss that's felt everywhere. The kind that left no misunderstanding about how the other was feeling.

Everything just felt… right.


End file.
